The Battle of Doubt

The sermon today discussed the shield of faith. The image of a soldier every day raising his shield of faith and the sword of the Word of God.  I think a lot about confidence, the lack of confidence and the outcomes of losing confidence. I have experienced losing confidence different times in my leadership roles. I remember being unsure in a mock battle in training as tank platoon leader of what exactly was going on and I stopped communicating, asking questions for information and clarity, and coordinating. We won the battle, but I realized I stopped communicating and went quiet. It is a pattern that I noticed in different occasions in my leadership roles, of losing confidence, and then going quiet. 

I tell myself that it is better to stay quiet than say something that you may regret. I think that is a trade-off that is based on fear and protecting losses rather than confidence that you will say the right thing at the right time with God's help. It is selling myself fear as prudence. That is also loss of confidence. However, I remember the verse that even the faith the size of a mustard seed can make mountains move. That gives me hope. It takes faith to get in the battle in the first place. It takes faith to go to college, go through leadership training, lead, and learn and to do it over and over again, learning new lessons and refining practice. 

There is a scripture I am finding calling me that says faith comes through hearing and hearing by the Word of God. I read a lot of books, all at the same time. They all point back to the principles in the Bible: faith, hope, love - confidence, optimism, connection, collaboration, trust, inspiration. I feel like I am reading shadows of the truth that stem from the Bible. I will start reading the Bible and taking from that the direct root wisdom rather than the branches of wisdom. I remember a successful writer saying he takes principles in the Bible and puts them into stories that non-religious people can digest. That seems to me to say read the Bible for the root source. 

Hopefully, and faithfully, that should help in increasing faith. It should also help in increasing wisdom. It should also help in increasing peace. I will spend more time in God's word so that it becomes the overarching influence in my life. "If God is for us, who can stand against us?" It may be more accurate to say that if our thinking is aligned with God, who can stand against us.